Disliked children are signs of consequences. A man who was disliked in childhood or why do men cheat? Case from practice

Such a concept as an unloved daughter (codependency) is familiar to many women and a lot of suffering comes from this. Many people are not yet aware of this problem, but alas, it is. Let's figure it out.

Even in childhood, the mother is a kind of psychological "mirror" for the child. Looking at him, a little girl gradually assimilates information about who she is and what kind of relationship she deserves from other people. A loving mother gives the child the strength for psychological maturation, the gradual development of autonomy.

Very different lessons are learned for the girl who grows up with an emotionally cold, detached, aggressive, or critical mother. The mixture of love and hatred that she feels towards the closest person teaches her: people cannot be trusted. She considers relationships with people from an early age to be one of the most unreliable things.

In psychology, the behavior of disliked daughters is considered within the framework of the concept of codependency. This term refers to a state when a person is completely absorbed by another person on the emotional (and often physical) levels.

Perhaps one of the most important features of such women is that even with the realization of the impossibility of receiving love from the mother, this need is not canceled. She continues to live in her soul along with a tangle of unresolved psychological conflicts.

What are the personal characteristics of unloved daughters?

1. Low self-esteem. In the minds of the disliked daughter, the voice of the "inner critic" is constantly heard. Which is in reality an introject received from the mother. Let us recall that in psychology the introject is understood as a mechanism of psychological defense, in the process of which other people's attitudes pass into the person's unconscious and begin to be perceived as their own. As a result, a woman suffers from a feeling of powerlessness, helplessness, and her own inferiority.
2. Distrust of others. The position of a codependent woman is approximately the following: “I cannot be friends with a person until I’m not one hundred percent sure that he or she can be trusted. I need to be sure that in reality it is not hidden intentions of profit or self-interest that motivate him. " This position was formed by the attitude of the mother, sometimes supportive of the child, sometimes repulsive. A completely adult woman with such a dual attitude, a woman will constantly pester her partner with requests to confirm his feelings: “Do you love me? You really won't leave me? " etc.
3. Inability to build warm and trusting relationships. This property is especially clearly manifested in relationships with men. The disliked daughter sometimes isolates herself and keeps her distance, afraid to trust; then completely "dissolve" in the chosen one. It is clear that in both cases not enough man has enough mental strength to live in constant stress. After all, a man will have to defend his borders in the event of an encroachment on them; then play the role of a leader and mentor, calming or persuading the woman to talk about her feelings. This is due to the fact that in childhood the child did not receive adequate feedback in response to his behavior. The same actions could win favor today and cause anger tomorrow.
4. Avoiding failure is becoming a major life strategy. In adolescence, when girls start looking for love, an unloved daughter comes out on this road with very little "baggage". Instead of the psychological attitude "I want to be attractive, receive and give love," she feels fear: "How can I avoid disappointment again." The world is filled with opportunities, dangers and traps for her. This applies to both love and friendship.
5. Heightened sensitivity. A simple joke made by a classmate or friend can make her cry. One word can reawaken forgotten memories. Disliked daughters find it difficult to cope with their emotional distress because they did not experience unconditional love and acceptance in their early years.
6. Desire to find motherly warmth in relationships. No matter how difficult and difficult childhood may be, a person unconsciously seeks to find what is close and familiar to him. Having become an adult, an unloved daughter finds such men who ignore her, belittle her talents and dignity, allow themselves to make caustic remarks about her appearance.

Should a child love his mother

In psychoanalytic theory, there is the concept of "primordial duty" - that sense of duty that a person experiences in relation to the mother who gave him life. No matter how contradictory the feelings for the parent are, somewhere in the depths of a person's soul, a spark of hope will glow all his life that the connection with the mother will be warm and trusting.

If the relationship becomes too difficult or burdensome for a person, he makes the right decision to distance himself. The impression is that this will heal mental wounds. However, one phone call or gesture from the mother can destroy the built "armor".

The truth is that a person has the right not to feel anxious feelings for his mother, but he does not dare to use this right. Of course, almost every child thinks that his parents did not love him enough. However, it is much more difficult for those daughters whose relationship with their mothers did not develop initially. Indeed, in our minds there is no separation between the figure of the parent and the real person that he actually represents.

Psychoanalyst D. Winicott was the first to introduce into science the concept of "a good enough mother." She does everything in her power to meet the needs of the child. However, if something does not work out, she does not fall into self-blame. She draws the necessary lessons from her mistakes. The psychologist believed that such a mother is needed by the child, because, being with her, he firmly assimilates the attitude: "Life is good and beautiful, people can be trusted."

Symbiotic bond between mother and child

There is a widespread misconception in society that love between mother and child reaches the level of holiness. It is believed that only a mother will love her child for the rest of his life, and therefore the slightest doubt about this generates resistance. It is difficult for an unloved daughter to pronounce the words: "Mother did not love me."

However, the symbiotic relationship between the child and the mother may not initially be comfortable for both participants. At first, the mother appears to be omnipotent, but gradually this image is destroyed. Over time, the child realizes that the mother cannot satisfy all the needs. And the more the child's needs - both physical and emotional - are ignored, the more frustration and resentment that can turn into hatred becomes. Every child sometimes feels hostility towards the mother, and this is natural. However, if there are too many such moments, then this turns into a problem for the child.

Is it possible to change the symbiotic relationship with the mother?

It is unlikely that it will be easier if you allow yourself not to feel love for your mother. But it can make the relationship less painful. There is an important point here - as in any other relationship, consent to change must be two-way. The initiative always belongs to the child. Before you start building new relationships, you need to realize that it is very sad to die to each other as a mother and daughter. But having ended this relationship, the mother and child will no longer torment each other with mutual claims, and their relationship will become more like an ordinary human friendship.

Ways to work on yourself

Work on codependency focuses on developing self-care skills. In most cases, to overcome the qualities discussed above, long-term work with a competent psychologist is required. But you can do something yourself. Let's take a look at some steps you can take to help disliked daughters overcome codependency.

1. Developing the ability to withdraw. Since one of the pathological mechanisms for the formation of codependent relationships is too strong emotional attachment, it will be useful for a woman to internally distance herself from relationships that bring her discomfort. And this does not mean coldness in relation to a husband, child or girlfriend. To withdraw means to “let go” of the reins, to psychologically distance ourselves from the person to whom there is attachment. This step is based on the idea that everyone is able to take care of themselves. We cannot be responsible for other people's actions, and our worries will not help the other person in any way. And if by his actions another person creates additional difficulties for himself, we do not rush, like Chip and Dale, to help him. On the contrary, it is necessary to let him come face to face with the results of his actions.
2. Learn healthy indifference. Disliked daughters are people with emotional reactions. Therefore, another psychological attitude that is useful for them sounds like this: you need to treat the situation easier. Circumstances should not completely take over our minds. There is no need for rash actions, impulsive statements, which later will have to be bitterly regretted. Indeed, reacting in this way to circumstances, we transfer the right to dispose of our lives in the hands of another person.
3. Promote. There are two options here. First, you can build self-confidence through real achievement. And such self-esteem will be formed at the level of consciousness. It does not penetrate into the unconscious. To raise self-esteem at a deep level, it is necessary to experience repressed negative emotions, to live through the pain that has been accumulated over the years. The second option is to work with a psychologist and work out the self-attitude inherent in the deep layers of the unconscious. However, it is necessary to understand that this work involves regression to childhood unworked experiences, it can deprive the balance of life for some time. In addition, this path is shown to those who have achieved something in the professional field. Personal achievements are a good basis on which to begin deep work on yourself. If they are not there, psychologists recommend looking for external resources, trying to pull yourself out of emotional stagnation "by the hair", like Baron Münghausen.
4. Let go of control. Many disliked daughters in adult relationships use this tool. They "nag" their husbands, threaten with divorce with the division of property, grab their heads and hearts, lose consciousness, beg and coerce. But they don’t think that their methods never work. A codependent woman needs to realize the illusory nature of controlling behavior. A person will still do what he sees fit; he will change when he himself desires it; and will feel what he wants. The reality is that you can only control yourself.
5. Building personal goals. The goal helps to find meaning in life beyond emotional attachment, and working to achieve it raises self-esteem. An unloved daughter often lives someone else's life - a child, an unlucky husband, a dependent girlfriend. She does not feel like an integral person, but as a kind of "appendage" to the one about whom she cares. However, even small personal goals can help you experience life more fully.

Goodbye to everyone.
Best regards, Vyacheslav.

Love is embodied in action: it is care, respect, knowledge. Responsibility is not for the object of love, but before him: how you act, what you do.

Unloved child ... Have you often wondered: is love enough for my child? After all, everyone loves as best he can. And there is hardly a mother who openly declares that she does not love her child. Everyone loves. She loves as much as she can, since she was taught to love in childhood, as she considers it possible. But everyone measures love by their own yardstick.

Child dislike syndrome has a dangerous effect on the perception of the world and relationships with others in adolescence, and even more dangerously manifests itself in an adult.

What danger can the absence or insufficient manifestation of love for children carry:

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• Even in childhood, cognitive and intellectual spheres of activity can suffer from such a syndrome, problems with concentration and memory can arise. Often, among the developmental disabilities, one can find such diagnoses as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, minimal cerebral dysfunction, dyslalia, dysarthria, mental retardation, and many others.
• A serious consequence of disliking is the child's rejection of their gender. In this case, the syndrome of the unloved daughter is distinguished separately, when the girl does not accept the feminine in herself. This problem seriously affects adult life, when building relationships with the opposite sex and creating your own family.
• Already a grown-up disliked person has a lot of anxiety inside. There are always complexes: I am somehow not like that, I am not worthy of some things. I always have to strive for something, in order to prove that I need to be loved.
• Relationships with people are unreliable - they cannot be trusted. A person with an unloved child complex is waiting for emotional storms all the time. He cannot calmly be friends, calmly love, calmly start a family.
• Self-doubt. This always happens more often because the child in childhood was often criticized, compared with others. Even if such a person showed talent and became successful in some business, he often thinks that this is an accident, that this is not about him. "I can't do it that well or look so good." It is difficult for a person himself to believe that he is able to do something better than others. He is uncomfortable with the fact that he is talented, it seems to him that this is undeserved. And when he is complimented or praised, it is perceived as some kind of trick and is viewed from the point of view of selfish motives.
• Difficulties arise in asserting their own boundaries. A child who grew up in an atmosphere of constant criticism and unpredictability, cold indifference did not learn to set boundaries. In such conditions, it was very difficult for a child to say no, and his boundaries are not formed psychologically. The result of this is a situation in which a person is constantly trying to adapt to another.
• Another thing that people who, as they believe, disliked can discover in themselves, is low self-esteem, not just low, but inadequately low.
• Lack of initiative. Even as a teenager, with his whole life ahead of him, new paths and opportunities open up, such a person does not have a dream, does not make serious plans. Disliked children are often lack of initiative, they have no interest in life. Remember, like the heroine of a children's fairy tale: "What will, what bondage ...".
• Hypersensitivity, "thin skin" - all this may indicate a lack of maternal affection. As well as the tendency to think up problems, unfounded fears, resentments.
• There is no unconditional acceptance of your value, but this is the foundation that allows you to stand firmly on your feet.
• Psychosomatic diseases are a companion of all psychological problems, they undermine health and sharpen from the inside.

What is he like, a person who has been orkuzhi with love and care since childhood?

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For such a person, the world is safe.

Firstly, this person knows that he is loved, and he does not need to prove to everyone in the world that he is good. He just knows that he is valuable, just the way he is. And this is the inner knowledge received in a happy childhood, and nothing can eradicate it. He has an understanding that he is worthy of love, and if someone does not love him, then these are their difficulties.

Secondly, he knows that he will be supported and will come to his aid when the need arises.

Thirdly, the world is interesting for such a person. He has a love of life and curiosity. And all because he was not tugged every time he wanted to touch the insect, his interests were respected, his opinion was taken into account. Because if a person grew up in a stable family and when he came home, he found a quiet refuge, he grew up in soul. Most likely, he will look for this at home in adulthood.

What kind of unloving parents are they?

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An emotionally detached mother or father, fickle, critical, tough or cruel - this is a rough portrait of dysfunctional parenting. But the boundaries of these concepts are very subtle and it is in no way possible to equate everyone. We must try to understand why parents sometimes do this. Perhaps they, too, received less attention and warmth, and this is not entirely their fault. They don't know how to love in any other way.

And it also happens that parents pamper their child, indulging any whims, buy any toys, gadgets and fulfill all the whims, but at the same time do not give the usual human communication and parental hugs. Such behavior does not contribute to the strengthening of affection between parents and children, because the child always feels where the sincere warm attitude is, and who is "not up to him" now. This is how children grow up who, for a million gifts, do not see love, acceptance, affection. And parents mistakenly believe "He is ungrateful, he has everything, even more than others, which he still lacks!"

And "children in a golden cage" and "children without a bicycle" turn out to be absolutely equal - they did not have the seeds of love in their souls, they do not know how it is to love unselfishly and unconditionally.
Often there are situations when people who did not have enough love in childhood, choose friends and spouses, as a rule, with the same traits that were traced in their parents, and try to get additional love from their companions, often copying the life scenario of the previous generation of their family ...

It is necessary to look for the roots of the problem and ways to get out of this impasse after consultation and in conjunction with a good psychotherapist. Diagnosing the disliked child syndrome is already a step towards solving the problem. This does not mean that you will need to sort things out with your parents, but you should certainly admit to yourself your resentment and anger at loved ones. Analyze the situation, find out the reasons for this behavior of the mother and father. Change your behavior towards children, learn to love, accept that there are other patterns of behavior. Many people feel it intuitively.
For example, small children who grow up safe know how to take that love. They climb onto their knees to warm up, embrace the most dear people, sat down - and rushed on. There is even such an incredibly gentle practice to relieve irritation and fatigue. It takes only 7 minutes of hugging a loved one to relieve the stress accumulated during the day.

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Some psychologists advise to write a letter to parents, but not send. Especially when the problem opens up already in adulthood. It is very important to work through this situation in yourself. To say sincerely about what hurt, what offended, what did not receive, what would you like to say, if you could then. Then try to understand why the parent did this. Perhaps forgiveness will come.

And living with unforgiveness in your heart is dearer to yourself.

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The psychological trauma of childhood, such as lack of attention, lack of love given by the parents to the child, as well as other problems of the young child in the family, are the main causes and roots of future psychological problems. If in the present a person wants to understand the reasons why this or that psychological problem exists in his life, he will have to turn to the past and remember his difficult childhood.

Few can argue that his childhood was cloudless and completely happy. As a rule, most of us at a young age were faced with lack of attention paid by adults, lacked love and rejection of the very fact of their existence. All this inevitably contributed to the emergence of certain psychological trauma in children, which subsequently resulted in specific psychological problems.

A person, being born, needs the main things - unconditional self-love and unlimited attention. Few are born into exceptionally well-to-do families. And few parents show unconditional love for their children. On the contrary, the prevailing part of families (judging by the experience of Russia, it is about ninety percent of the total according to unofficial statistics) - dysfunctional... The problems of a young child in such families are varied: they can be single-parent families, families with problems of alcoholism, oppressive attitude towards children, various kinds of conflicts, as well as those faced with the loss of one of the parents due to tragic events or addictions.

The relationship of psychological problems in the present with the negative events of a person's past, hidden, as a rule, in the childhood period of life, is enormous.... For example, self-dislike expressed in the appearance of a person an inferiority complex, uncertainty and suspiciousness; difficult relationships with parents; financial problems; various phobias, as well as problems in other areas of life. The roots of such problems are - psychological, that is, the reasons for their occurrence were certain limiting beliefs of a person (regarding himself, money, his capabilities), imposed false beliefs, suppressed resentments, bitterness, unspoken emotions as a result of events that occurred in the past.

Any tragic events or addictions of adults, in fact, also lead to abandonment of children, the complete indifference of adults to their fate leads to similar consequences.

Disharmony in relations with the first closest people in a child's life - parents - will be expressed in the disharmony of his attitude, already an adult. It can be expressed not only in his subsequent dislike of himself, but also in the manifestation of aggression towards the world, towards the people around him. Also, from the family, the child receives many limiting beliefs about money, love, his abilities, which hinder him in the future.

If the child had difficult childhood, then his subconscious mind will retain all thoughts, beliefs, conclusions, attitudes, suppressed resentments and emotional blocks that have occurred as a result:

• any kind of negative events that happened to the child,
• all the facts of the rude attitude of adults towards him,
• all the rude and offensive words thrown at him,
• suppressed emotions, unexpressed tears, resentment,
• specific examples of lack of attention and lack of love experienced by the child.

Any event that happened in the past is stored in the subconscious of a person. The mental material accumulated in this way will be stored in the subconscious and will have a huge impact on the emotional balance, the character of the future adult, on the estimated perception of reality around him. And the problems of a small child experienced in the family, in this way preserved in the subconscious in the form of mental material, will relentlessly follow him through life, serve as the basis for his filters for the perception of reality.

The good news is that this mental material can be found and processed with special tools that will help first of all remove the charge from this material. This is necessary in order for this material to cease to have such a significant impact on character, emotions, thoughts. The very process of removing importance from the mental material of the subconscious is called deprogramming the subconscious.

Of course, this will give an excellent result if a person does not hold on to the negativity he experienced in childhood, wants complete and final freedom from his psychological traumas of childhood, who is ready to change and part with the glitches of his mind generated by all the negativity, deeply hidden tears and pain of the past. Who wants to stop looking at the world through the eyes of an offended child, to live with past grievances. Who wants to become a free person from all mental rubbish and look at the world around without filters and imposed models.

One of the techniques that has in its arsenal effective tools for working with the material of the subconscious is psychotechnics turbo gopher, which can deprogram the subconscious. This psychotechnique is intended for independent work with the "charge" of your thoughts, beliefs, all experience, conclusions, emotions associated with the events of a difficult childhood, all the facts of lack of attention and lack of love. Removing the charge from the episodes of the past stored in the subconscious, their mental assessments and emotional blocks, will eliminate the automatism of reaction, remove the filters of perception that interfere with assessing reality as it is, without far-fetched meanings, prejudices and seeming interconnections and patterns.

It is the work with all the mental material of the subconscious that a person has accumulated over his life that makes it possible to cope with the psychological trauma of childhood, to make a real breakthrough on the path to freedom and a new, more open perception of reality. Eliminating the causes of problems will help nullify the problems themselves. Complexes, insecurity, money problems, as well as many other problems disappear, as a rule, when it is possible to discover and competently work out their psychological causes. And thus, the psychological trauma received in childhood ceases to determine a person's life in the present. Of course, such a leap can be made by those who are ready to change, who want freedom from their past. If there is no such determination, then there is no point in using this technique.

If you are ready for hard work and want to get complete freedom from everything that prevents you from knowing it, are ready to part with your mental junk, then you just need to download the book. And immediately you can start working without shelving.

Resentment. How to forgive an insult

Forgiving an offense and getting rid of an offense is difficult for any person. The presence of a strong resentment in the soul, especially a child's resentment, interferes with living fully and freely, any past grievances pull a person into the past and force him to look at the world through the eyes of a helpless child.

According to psychologists, it is not so easy to independently determine that the true cause of trouble was the indifference of parents. Even if a person subconsciously feels that he was not loved in childhood, then most often he refuses to believe in it! That is why the first step to getting rid of the complex of dislike is the awareness and acceptance of the existing problem, writes Fabiosa.ru.

What are the consequences for the children of indifferent parents as they grow up? Is it possible to recognize such a person and how to help him?

Psychologists have named 10 key signs of disliked children.

1. Basic distrust of people

Shouting, scandals and frequent changes of scenery have an extremely negative effect on the development of a sense of trust. If the child did not have a stable and favorable emotional environment (first of all, in the parental family), then, most likely, it will be very difficult for him to learn to trust people. And this, in turn, guarantees difficulties in personal life.

2. Complex love relationships

An adult who suffered from a lack of love in childhood will also strive in his personal life for what he is used to: toxic people and addicted relationships. Many disliked children, having matured, "fall ill" with unhappy love. A woman can initially choose a too complex object for herself (for example, a married man) and suffer with it all her life. Men, on the other hand, tend to change sexual partners: in this way, they try to make sure that they are worthy of love over and over again.

3. Inability to manage emotions

As they get older, children learn to interpret other people's emotions and express their own feelings through words and gestures. An unloved child may never learn to control fear and understand their negative emotions. Consequently, he will never gain resistance to emotional pressure.

4. Fear of making a mistake

Children raised by indifferent parents often have serious problems with self-esteem. This usually manifests itself in the form of indecision and a strong fear of making a mistake.

5. Eternal children

Those who were disliked as children, as a rule, are not going to grow up. They seem to decide to remain children for life: they believe that everyone around them owes something, behave terribly, are capricious, suffer from addictions, refuse to work, do not have a family, etc.

6. Tendency to depression and increased anxiety

People who were disliked as children often have mental health problems. Most often, the emotional coldness of parents backfires on their grown-up children with depression and chronic anxiety.

7. Severe vulnerability

People who have not received enough love and attention from loved ones are constantly haunted by the fear of rejection. Like self-doubt, this phobia indicates that as a child, a person felt unloved and unnecessary.

8. Low self-esteem

The former "disliked child" is indecisive and terrified of making important choices. Often such people are ready to do hard work for a penny, because they are sure that they do not deserve more.

9. Life away from the "family nest"

Since contact with parents is painful for adults who were disliked in childhood, they tend to avoid communication with close relatives. Usually such people try to leave to live in another city or at least rent an apartment as soon as possible.

10. Problems with your own children

There is a high degree of probability that the "disliked" mother (or father) will be indifferent to her child, copying the behavior of the parents. But the opposite is also possible, when a son or daughter is overly pampered. Naturally, such distortions in upbringing quickly lead to big problems.

By nature itself it is conceived that for personal growth and proper development, any child needs parental love. But all children are different. Feeling an acute lack of warmth and affection from their parents, some will suffer in silence, while others begin to cause trouble with bad behavior, trying to attract at least negative attention to themselves.

Unfortunately, many unresolved problems are taken away by unloved children into adulthood. Therefore, if you notice the above signs in yourself, then it is better to seek help from a specialist. And, of course, try to give your child as much love and attention as possible!

Did you have enough parental love in childhood? How is your relationship going now?

Some people find it difficult to be sincere, open to others, and, accordingly, build some kind of close relationship. Why it happens? There may be several reasons, but one of them is that a person was simply disliked in childhood.

Every child wants to feel loved. They love not for any merits, but just like that. He also needs to understand that his perceived as he is... This is the function of the mother - to give the child a sense of security, reliability, and that he is not alone, and he is loved. But, unfortunately, not every woman copes with this task. Sometimes mothers are simply unable to love. They may have some kind of psychological trauma, a serious illness, or simply an evil and oppressive character. The child will have to suffer from this.

Reasons for disliking a child and its consequences in adult life

Sometimes mom just doesn't know how to love. Because the child feels abandoned, there is a real split inside him. He does not receive emotional support from his mother, which is why he is forced to constantly feel mortal fear. After all, he understands that he cannot survive on his own, and he needs the support of his mother, but she is not. Accordingly, the child is constantly in danger and in such cases begins to feel depressed and unhappy. Since children cannot resist their parents, they, most often, accumulate their resentment and anger somewhere within themselves, or show it in the form of poor studies, refusal to go to kindergarten, constant tantrums in supermarkets, etc. The bottom line is that such an attitude of "dislike" will not pass without a trace, and its consequences will certainly make themselves felt in the future.

On the one hand, during the child's inner split, mental pain, which does not go away with age, but remains forever. As a result, a child who has already matured may be afraid to open up to people, build any kind of trusting relationship and, in general, open up to someone, since he could not do this with his mother or father. He did not trust them, could not rely on them, and, most importantly, he felt that they did not love him. And if the person who gave birth to him and raised him did not love him, then how can he believe that someone completely alien will love him? ..

On the other hand, the child still tries to deserve love and recognition your mother or father. It doesn't matter how old he is, perhaps he has even created his own family, but old grievances still live in him, and the need for love between mother and father is also present. Worst of all, the children's attempts to get this recognition and love of their parent are doomed to failure in advance, since, most likely, his mother does not even suspect that she did something wrong, and may not understand what she requires of her already an adult child. As a result, a person, not getting what he wants, begins to condemn and blame himself for the current situation. After all, if he was good, he would be loved.

It would seem that everything is clear, the parents themselves did not know how give a child love so they didn't. You need to accept it, let it go and move on. But on an emotional level, everything is much more complicated, since the child cannot and does not want to let go of the offense, he wants to get what he was not given at the appropriate time.

So how can an unloved child live on?

It is possible to solve the problem, although it will take a lot of time and effort. You need to do the following:

• detect the problem... Often, the problem can be seen by everyone around, except for the owner himself. Wives can complain that their husbands are mothers' sons, at work they can laugh that a person is very dependent on the opinion of his parents, etc. The main thing is that the person himself should realize his “strange” dependence on the opinion of his mother or father, grandmother or grandfather ... Only then can one begin to work on solving the problem;
• work with pain and resentment... One of the options for working with these feelings is the following technique: write on a piece of paper what exactly you feel hurt, and how you would like your parents to react in those cases. This way, you will understand exactly what you need and why you are still in pain. You may even be able to understand the parents' reaction to the situation at that moment, which will also help to let go of the resentment;
• physical manifestation of pain and resentment... You can try to reduce the internal pain on a physical level: go to the gym and, as it should, beat a pear, or simply beat the pillow at home with all your might, tear the paper to shreds, etc. The main thing is, during the process, try to experience those emotions that have been sitting inside you for a long time and release them outside. You will see, it will become much easier for you.

Naturally, in order to completely solve the problem, you should definitely ask for help to a psychotherapist or psychologist. He will show you how to work with your inner child and how to move on with letting go of past grievances.